Yatta! We did it!!! Even though the pop-up porn virus Echo put in the world’s computer system didn’t work because the architects of the flesh knew we were coming to their space  station to throw their god into space to join the christian god who is all beardy and looks down on you from very far away and didn’t like his own son very much but maybe they were too busy looking at all the colourful lingerie that the porn girls were wearing and they didn’t have time to arrange a proper party for us because all they had to throw at  us were 50 space zombies and a spinning dragon called Desdemona who’s really a woman. They really really must hate clothes in the future because the space zombies weren’t even wearing space suits they just fired them out of the space station straight at us in just their underwear but I suppose if you’re dead you don’t care what you’re wearing or maybe once you die in the future you get some sense and you refuse to wear their  stupid grey clothes I wish I did! Actually after Grandma Noodles’s Apprentice fired me out of the airlock with all the other rubbish I thought about that a bit and I used my magic to change my body so I didn’t have to breathe anymore and then I didn’t have to wear that stupid grey suit. I suppose I got the idea from Grandma Noodles because I had to help her change her suit so it could fit all those bottles of special potion that smells like bad sake. She fights really well after she drinks that potion but it smells pretty bad especially since she’s such a good noodle cook (her noodles are sooooooooo oishii yo!!) but I’ve never actually seen her make the potion so  maybe she buys it somewhere anyway when we take over allllllll the Feng Shui sites in the world maybe she can make a better potion.

[gasp!]

anyway so they fired 50 space zombies and a dragon at us, so Grandma Noodles’s Apprentice fired me out of the airlock with all the rubbish, and then he found out that the spaceship has this big claw on it which must be what he was going to use to bring me back inside when he realised he’d fired me out of the airlock but instead he started hitting the zombies with it which is a really good idea because in space even a little bump makes you fly off forever into the sun unless you’re like me and you can fly wherever you want and wear any miniskirt you want even a grey one but I’m never gonna wear grey again never ever! So I thought making the  zombies fly into the sun is a good idea so I threw rubbish at them with my magic and it hit lots of them and Grandma Noodles and Kitsune and Echo and Uncle Ed who turns up sometimes when I think really hard went out onto the spaceship and started killing space zombies who move like really slowly but then the big dragon stopped spinning round and round and landed on the nose of the spaceship so everyone had to fight her but she kept blowing up and even though I was a long way away and hiding behind rubbish I nearly died which is weird because my science teacher told me that there’s no fire in space so it must have been magical fire who knew that a dragon has magic fire? I thought they just flew around and had a pearl in their brain and said clever things but then I didn’t know they moved by spinning around either so I suppose you learn something new about people every day before you kill them.

[gasp]

so after Kitsune turned the whole spaceship into an electric exploding death rocket and Grandma Noodles’s Apprentice crashed the spaceship into the space station through the dragon and Kitsune had somersaulted off its exploding spleen we all went to the door to the space station which the Architects of the Flesh had to keep locked because there’s no air in  space so I disintegrated the door and then Echo opened the inner door because she’s really clever but I came in late because I had been burnt really bad like the yakitori Grandma Noodles makes only yakiyuki so I had to spend  a bit of time healing myself. We all got inside the door and looked around and there was a room with these scientists in and there was a hole in the roof but no air was escaping because  it actually went to the netherworld which has air in it even though demons don’t need to breathe which must mean they like yelling a lot which is what the dragon did when Grandma Noodles’s Apprentice flew the  rocket ship through her stomach only we couldn’t hear what she was saying because there was no air and if there was we probably would only have heard lightning and explosions anyway

[gasp]

but the Little God that’s tougher than our God was there in Fox form with one tail sticking into the netherworld and the other 8 tails swishing about like my Cat did when it was watching a mouse and the God was looking at us but it was kind of see-through like a jellyfish so I don’t think it had manifested properly which is kind of an oops but then when we looked down under the floor we saw that the shrine box that Gods come in was bound in a kind of magic circle that must be stopping the Little God from getting out  which is weird because that’s what the Architects wanted to do with the God but we didn’t think about that too much yet because we don’t think we just Do because that’s what Bruce Lee said works and it’s worked so far hasn’t it? But Echo thinks and she said she thought Omega was somewhere in the room and she would know because she’s just like him only younger so I cast a spell through my phone and I could see omega was right in front of us and I sent everyone the picture and then Echo did a thing with her big sword and one of his scary guns broke and all his scary agony grenades that hurt us last time fell on the floor like that time I was trying to leave the convenience store with the chu hais and my high school skirt unrolled by accident and they all fell on the floor and I’d forgotten to pay and the guy behind the counter got really angry and it took me like 10 minutes to calm him down which is really long for me and then the other customers were really angry because they were locked out and there was a special offer on UFO Noodles. Only Omega didn’t get to pick up his agony grenades and go home and lie down like I did because then everyone started kicking and punching him and his other gun exploded and melted his face and then Grandma Noodles touched him on the elbow like Bruce Lee does and then while he was standing still looking at the ceiling Kitsune said something to him that none of us could hear and then he died horribly and I said “otsukaresamadeshita” and everyone else clapped and Grandma Noodles had a drink

[gasp]

which makes me think that if the Buro’s super soldier is that easy to kill then maybe the God is too but the scientists didn’t want to let the God out for us to kill but then I disintegrated the glass barrier between us and them and all the bits of Omega that Kitsune left on the glass went spattering into the room and I think that scared them so they let the God go but that was a really stupid thing to do because we were just going  to talk to them and maybe also throw them out of the airlock to die unless Kitsune got to them first but the God stole their souls and turned them into wraiths and then the God changed from its Foxy Form to its Wraith Form and I didn’t know shrine Gods had a wraith form maybe that was something Mummy was going to tell me if the Copycat Ninjas hadn’t killed her

[gasp]

so anyway I was thinking that maybe I should go out of the airlock too but my scooter blew up with the rocketship and its a long way to fly to earth without a scooter and anyway I’d be trapped in the future with the grey clothes and a mad Fox Wraith chasing me after it ate my friends’ souls so I figured I’d better stay and die well so I stayed. We had this magician with us and he turned out to be from 9AD and because in 9AD they don’t have the internet or philosophy or anything their magic is really really evil so he offered us snakes we could use to become evil too and only the good die young so everyone said YEAH we’ll have snakes and be powerful and evil and live forever and me and Kitsune said no we’ll be good and weak and die young because we don’t think we just Do like Bruce Lee who must be good because he  died really young. And the WraithFoxGod made its dead scientist wraiths attack us and plugged itself into the  computer because all the chi beaming up from earth was going to go into it and it was going to keep getting bigger and tougher until it was bigger and tougher than anyone so Echo plugged the Big God that’s weaker than the WraithFoxGod into the computer too and then Echo started trying to channel the chi from Earth into our God instead of the bad God but they were fighting in like the spirit world or something which is a really boring place but at least they weren’t doing it where we were. So we fought the 9 Scientist Wraiths which steal chi but then I remembered that I’m like a priest so I started banishing them and Grandma Noodles hit a few and Kitsune killed a few and then they were all gone.

[gasp]

and because Echo was doing really cool computer things our God was beating the WraithFoxGod and so then we all attacked the WraithFoxGod and it died really fast and disappeared and we were all really happy until we realised we were stuck on a space station without a rocketship and the only way out was through the netherworld portal but that goes to the army of the Architects of the Flesh and the way the world works we could probably kill all of them but if they had more spinny-explodey dragon-women then we could all die and that’s what you get for being like Bruce Lee and not thinking before you Do I suppose but he died from taking aspirin not from being eaten alive by a giant spinning exploding dragon (but I haven’t seen the movie so I don’t know for sure) anyway then the bad wizard with the evil magic from 9AD made a hole in the floor and said “frying pan or fire”? which I think must be some kind of 9AD invocation of great power, because when we jumped down the hole and he said “oh fiiiiiiiire!” we ended up in Hell. Well, we all guessed it was hell from the fires and the moaning sounds and the colour of the sky and the smell but sometimes Kitsune takes a long time to understand what’s happening like how she didn’t realise it was a copycat Ninja that killed her mother but kept thinking it was Omega but there was this man who was looking over his shoulder at us and he was crying like he’d cut an onion and he told Kitsune we were in Hell

[gasp]

so now we’re in hell but at least we killed a God. Yatta!

Advertisements