Schoolgirls in space...

Schoolgirls in space...

So we were all doing fine in the 2009 juncture, but we hadn’t found my Shrine’s God so we went to 2056 where the Architects Of the Flesh had taken It, and when we got there we met these flying apes and they helped us to find the secret research lab where my god was being held only we had help from the Dragons and while the apes were fighting the Flying Iron Men from the Buro I had to try and rescue my mummy who was trapped in a sarcophaga-[whatever] and like I said we had help from the Dragons but Kar Fai is old and Useless so mummy had to stay unconscious

[gasp]

only then we all had to go raid the flying ship-thingy, and Kitsune’s mummy was there but she was a hostage of the Architects of the Flesh and I disintegrated the bomb belt she was wearing because it didn’t suit her and I did it through my phone and then Kitsune and Grandma Noodles flew down to earth on a parachute of noodles and I rescued Echo who smells and has a robot arm and where has that ghost-girl gone? Doesn’t matter anyway because we all went back down to save my God from under the floor of the lab but Kar Fai and the Dragons had gone and taken the God with them AND my mummy even though she was brainwashed

[gasp]

so then anyway we chased them in a big tanky-thing but it was slow and Echo thinks she is so good at driving but she is completely like heta yo, so I jumped on my moped and I caught the Dragons in their car but they didn’t want to talk to me and my mummy was angry and then kitsune had to protect her mummy because my mummy tried to kill kitsune’s mummy and when she did kitsune had to defend her mummy but she must have cut her by mistake or something because when my mummy’s magic cleared and all the flashing dots were gone from my eyes Kitsune’s mummy was gone and there was a big soldier with a robot arm who Echo called omega and then we had a fight but I threw my moped at omega and he ran away but we couldn’t catch him

[gasp]

so then my mummy died and she didn’t even say thanks but she said something about 1868 and I thought she meant that new CK perfume I can’t afford but Grandma Noodles said that was her birthday – I mean like when she was born, not like the last time she was pretty and someone gave her a present on her birthday, which was probably 1898 – and Kitsune said we were both stupid and that was the Meiji restoration and I really don’t think you should speak to Grandma Noodles like that especially when she’s drunk but Kitsune’s a ninja so I suppose she’s okay

[gasp]

so anyway then we had an argument with Kar Fai and the Dragons and then these big monkeys arrived and they got angry with me too because they say an ape is different to a monkey and then they tried to tell me that whales are not fish and I was confused but I took a photo anyway and the Dragons told us that the Architects of the Flesh had this plan to take my shrine’s God and brainwash it and then they would go back in time to like 9 AD or something and bury my God somewhere so it would grow old and then when they dug it up in 2056 it would be 2000 years old and super powerful and really dirty, and then they would use it to take over the world in 2009 which I suppose they have to do because the food and fashion in 2056 is like completely saiyaku yo so I suppose they want to steal our cool

[gasp]

which they could like soooooooo do if they used my God’s power to take over the Feng Shui sites in 2009 like they own them all in 2056

[gasp]

but they could only brainwash my God because it was young because it was born in 1868 which is like…

so then we were all like let’s go back to 1868 when the God was born and convince the previous God to come with us to the future to fight the new god when it becomes the extra-old god. So we went back to 1868 and walked all the way across Hyogo in those funny wooden geta they had then and my feet hurt but we pretended to be travelling musicians and everything was all like tale of genji except for the steam trains  and it’s weird because when we went back to before I was born I wasn’t any thinner but I suppose that’s why they call it baby fat and so the God said like YEAH let’s go and kill the new god and then we went forward in time again and put our old God into a suit of Iron Armour like hagane renkinjitsu shi only bigger and I made sure I didn’t paint the little symbol in blood so it can’t be washed off with a water pistol why does no-one else ever think of these things but I suppose I didn’t try to resurrect my mummy either maybe I’m growing up

[gasp]

and in forward time which is like the future only you can’t do things there if they might stop what happened in the past which is called linear time we were all like, what are we gonna do and this big monkey called BattleChimp Potemkin said we should kill everything and Kitsune agreed (of course) and The Dragons said that they had heard that the Buro were planning on putting my Shrine’s new God that was now a super old god into a satellite called Sheba so that they could beam its Godlike powers through a space portal into the past and take over the world so we would have to stop it by going into space on a rocketship and taking the god out of the satellite and throwing it away like rubbish and it would burn up in space even though space is like really cold and then we could put our old god which is now the younger god but isn’t brainwashed into the satellite and beam its Godlike power down to earth and take over all the Feng Shui sites in 2056 and then we would be like the most powerful magicians on the planet and then we could find that omega guy and completely kill him

[gasp]

so Echo put pop-up pornographic virusses in all the world’s computers because she’s weird and then we went to Tunguska and stole a rubbish truck and drove it into a spacebase and I had to disintegrate some people that Kitsune and Grandma Noodles killed because she was drunk again and then we went downstairs into a like command centre thing and then Kitsune killed some other people who were in the way but it looked like  a kind of disco or a noh play or something only the actors don’t die in Noh plays at least that’s what mummy used to tell me when I was scared and then I disintegrated the wrong half of the door and all these guys got angry and tried to shoot us so Kitsune and Grandma Noodles killed them and then we talked to some other soldiers who were scared of us and one of them agreed to call his boss if I didn’t disintegrate his special treasures and then the boss came over but Grandma Noodles was still drunk so the boss died too and then Echo broke everything except the remote control rocket ship and we drove over there and hopped on

[gasp]

but there was this creature made of leaves that chased us and even though I poured a potion on the sand it still tried to kill us the stupid thing and Echo told us that its really bad if vines grow on a rocket just when it’s taking off ’cause it’s going really slowly and it can tip over and kill everyone like in a movie so Kitsune and I went onto the outside of the rocket ship and I had a rope and I disintegrated the vines and then the plant monster died and it was like surfing only really hot and kind of high up so I went back inside and Echo told me to make sure I locked the door properly because we were going into space and it’s really cold and now we’re on our way to the satellite and it’s boring…